This was how I felt before I felt like this.
In today’s world, it seems we are all concerned with holding closer those things that matter and discarding all else, we want to be in the moment, living life to the fullness, chasing nirvana a pure all-encompassing pure experience void of drudgery, slog or social mandates. We want to do what we love and love what we do. It feels like chasing a phantom, here one moment and gone the next, you get a glimpse of it when u foray into nature or after an epic adventure, it calls you from an edifying movie, or a song seemingly tailor made for you. Like that yoga moment where you are fully in touch with every part of yourself, fully conscious, completely present. However, in the midst of the toil of provision and self-sustenance, of social unrest, political mismanagement and globalization, one must ask where the kiss of illusions end and the jab of reality starts.
Can we really dwell in that moment? Can that truly be our life, a place where one is divorced from modern day convenience and bondages, one truly free, happy and living that life that we desk-junkies long for? I am not saying it is impossible, as there are countless hippies and free spirits touting that freedom. I might be so blinded by the chains of the socially acceptable that I question if this is a case of wanting to eat your cake and have it, I do truly want to be counted amongst the number that claim to be experiencing this liberty but I also feel in these times, we must live each day in its fullness, appreciating, and trying to improve the drudgery as well as chase down and immerse ourselves in those moments when we experience pure passion, joy, freedom and purpose. I think this indeed is what life is, playing the hand you have been dealt and not trying to spend just one side of a coin.
I choose to live fully and not try to be an escapist, not close the door on the ugly and the boring but acknowledge that these thing are also the seeds that create character, innovation and adventure. I hope someday somehow I am proved wrong and I can find that hidden route that takes me to the place of complete engagement without the aid of mind altering drugs